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Do Gynoids Dream of Electric Sleep

An actual picture of me in bed

So I’m officially a cyborg and let me tell you — it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 

A month or so ago I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea, a condition which causes me to stop breathing periodically in the nighttimes. When I stop breathing I wake up momentarily and am pulled out of REM sleep. This happens so often that for basically my entire life, I haven’t been getting enough sleep, even when I sleep for eight hours or more.

Needless to say I’m glad to have gotten the diagnosis, because it ultimately clears up some stuff about me. But now I am prescribed a machine that attaches to my face and force-feeds me oxygen all night, so my body can’t rebel and decide to just die or something. Then, on top of sleeping with head crab on my face, my mouth falls open when I go to sleep and air rushes out of my mouth. So I’ve taken to taping my own mouth shut before going to sleep so that I can sleep more than a couple of hours at a time.

Anyway the point of this post, other than my whining, is that now I’m officially a cyborg. Of course, in my opinion I was before, and arguably most if not all human beings are. Our livelihoods are supported so thoroughly with technology, what we now conceive of as humanity couldn’t exist without it. Sure I guess we technically could run around in the woods with no technology at all, and we do love to entertain ourselves with fantasies of this on TV, but the truth of the matter is that we’re all cyborgs now. It’s just that this fact has really been hit home for me now that I am literally attached to a machine every night in order to function.

Anyway, I’ll leave off with some words of wisdom from my friend Adam:

When I was younger, my scout master in boy scouts had one of those machines. Whenever we went camping, he would have to hook it up to his car battery to power it every night. Sometimes being a cyborg is not so cool.

Not so cool indeed.

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